well

i'm back in this beautiful landscape. i remember, so well, how amazing i thought it was that all this, was out there, west of the coast where i grew up, just sitting here, all along. mountains, on a plateau, under a sky, sometimes hidden by clouds. i remember how shocking it was that i could see a cloud moving toward me from so far away, and that these mountains, just began out of something so flat. i think it is strange to come back to place that was so shocking the first time around. it is making me worry that i have lost my sense of wonder. is that possible? yesterday, i walked for a long time in the woods. there had been an avalanche. all the trees were sideways. I sat next to the lake, on a giant boulder. the water was lapping the side of the rock, moving towards the edge. the clouds were moving fast above me. the rock and I were the still part. i cold feel some-thing's wings beating behind me. like a thumping in my ear. but the wings, and their body were invisible. some days it still snows, and a creek that has no run for twenty years, is threatening to flood the pasture. i keep setting my alarm to watch the sunrise, and sleeping past it.

i still find it amazing, that these mountains can be made to disappear, by clouds and rain.